Ever learning

Had another opportunity to learn from a student this week. It was meeting 6 of a block of 10 focusing on job interviewing in English. D. is a bright, motivated young HR professional looking for a new job. She approached me to help get her fit for upcoming job interviews which might be in English. Her being in HR herself makes it doubly interesting; we’re able to look at the process from both sides.

Her English is already pretty good but as is so often the case, she’s advanced enough to be aware of the gaps. The situation also gives me the chance to talk with her in depth about HR stuff which interests me personally. She can follow and understand me perfectly; expressing her own opinions in clear, fluent English is the problem. And here the crux. We were practising arguing a point in an interview situation – target language: linking words such as however, although, nevertheless, for example, in this instance etc.

I set the scene and chose the topic for discussion: interviewing HR manager believes women between 25 and 35 shouldn’t be employed because they’ll all go off and get pregnant (!) D. laughed heartily. Apparently she works with a man who actually holds similar beliefs. She did an excellent job of patiently explaining to misogynistic HR manager (me) why one can’t exclude anyone from the hiring process and that much research proves the value of women to organistions. There wasn’t much use of the target language but she did a good job.

Feedback time. She explained how she can – and does – argue such points with ease and intelligence in German. In English she struggles to find the words and ends up going off in all directions until she can get back to her point. Nothing surprising there. So, to help, I gave her an example of how I would argue the point in English.

Now, this is one of my favourite, hotly argued topics; off I went, with ease and fluency making my point. Ta da! Aren’t I brilliant!?

My lovely student, D. looked at me with fire in her eyes and explained how, when she hears me speak, it’s so obvious that is what one can say. My use of English is elegant and fluent – she understood every word – but recreating such language herself is beyond her.

And that’s when it hit me. I took advantage of the situation to “show off” and in the process, highlighted my student’s weakness. I was enjoying being able to sound off (about something close to my own heart) without considering the impact on D. We had our target language and a focus for the role play, I should have kept to that and helped her use the language she has in a confident way. Instead, I was virtually lecturing her on how to deal with narrow-minded, sexist managers. Something she is perfectly capable of doing herself – in her own language.

This was a wake-up call and I’m very grateful to D. for holding a metaphorical mirror up before me. She reminded me that my job is to concentrate on her language skills, not discuss my favourite topics as if we’re two best friends out socially together. On the one hand, it’s ideal to have common themes to talk about in 1-2-1 coaching. On the other hand, we’re there for a specific reason and as “The Teacher”, I mustn’t loose focus.

A lesson re-learned. Thanks D.

One poor lesson does not a poor teacher make

After Thursday’s shenanigans with my kids, I went on to have 2 lessons – 2 mediocre lessons. Fortunately, the first was just an hour, one-to-one. We spontaneously took ourselves off to a café and sat outside in the sun. My student felt it was the best English lesson she’d ever had. I suspect her feeling had much more to do with the sunshine than the actual lesson.

The second, much longer with 14 young students, wasn’t so successful. Despite half an hour outside in the sun. We started off well – the opening of the lesson which I had planned. Things started to deteriorate when I had “a bright idea” which I hadn’t planned or thought through. Often, my bright ideas actually work out which is why I continue to give into such urges. However, this one really didn’t work and my students began to loose interest. A room full of young people on a sunny day who’ve already been in a classroom since 8am and know they’ve still got a number of hours till home time, is not a good place to be if you’re slightly off your game.

Now I’m writing this from a distance, things look less dire. As I would say to any colleague, we all have bad days. It was a shame that this was the last meeting of the semester. I shan’t see the group again until December. Time to get it right by then.

The other factor which has left me feeling less than satisfied with the situation is “grading”. This group is one of the few where I have to grade the participants’ oral performance. A tricky task at any time, especially when I feel so many of them have a brilliant command of the language (better than many native-speakers back in parts of the UK). Someone is often disappointed and questions the grade – questions me. Why did I give them that grade? I don’t know about you dear reader, but I would never have dreamt of questioning my tutor as to the grade I was given. Firstly, s/he knew what they doing (presumably), had given the mark due thought and consideration. Secondly, I would be too busy getting on with something else by then!

Perhaps I’m too far removed from the stress of getting a degree today. Life moves on and other things take precedence. To be fretting over a couple of grade points seems such a mis-use of precious energy. But then, someone else might point out that worrying about one less-than-brilliant lesson is an equally poor use of energy. We’re all in different places at different times. I guess as long as we can look back and review a situation objectively and learn from it, then it was worth it. That’s what development’s all about, right?!

Room for Improvement

Today started with a bit of a battle. Or at least a bout of miscommunication which could have escalated into a battle. Once again, I saw how my under-developed communication skills can let me down. Poor familial inter-communication, it’s an ongoing issue for we 4 Hunters.

As a trainer, clarity and transparency are essential to help participants get the most from a training course. If they are constantly having to ask each other “what did she mean?” Or they feel confused and lost, the group soon becomes uncertain and dissolves into a dissatisfied well of “why are we here?” The training objectives can’t be met, post-course evaluation is negative and the client never books again.

This I know. This I strive to avoid. Indeed, I feel I’m good at communicating with my participants, on the whole. If a misunderstanding should arise, or someone is unclear about any instruction, they know they can ask me to explain again. And again if necessary. Without clear, two-way communication, there is little sense in running a training course.

Why, then, is it so difficult to apply the same knowledge, skills etc. in my own family? To make sure that each person has understood what has been discussed and either agreed to or not agreed to? It’s a basic rule when working with groups, get acknowledgement and tacit agreement from each and every individual in the group. This avoids problems and dissension down the line. Today is a point in case. Teenage daughter had arranged to go with friend to shopping mall. The return journey was arranged. The getting there, however, was the sticking point. Daddy had to be at work for a meeting by 9. Mummy didn’t have to anywhere till 11.30. Teenage daughter subsequently fixed in her mind that mummy would run her and friend to shopping mall at 9.30am so they could maximise their shopping time until the return bus departed. Mummy, on the other hand, was still working out a plan whereby she wouldn’t have to drive back and forth, wasting time and petrol.

The shopping day dawned; mummy got up extra early in order to prepare that day’s classes and meetings. In her mind, leaving around about 10 would be OK. Then she’d only have an hour or so to kill until her first lesson.

At 9.35 came the shout up the stairs – “Are we going now?” “No! I’m not ready” (Indeed, I was in the bathroom, drying my hair without any make-up on). I won’t bore you with teenage daughter’s response to the situation. Needless to say, she was most upset at her plans not running according to her schedule.

OK. We got out the door at 9.57am. Sullen silence in car. Then little teenage son pipes up – “Bank!” Oh yes, he needed to withdraw funds for shopping (he was magnanimously invited along on this trip!) I pulled into bank – to find I couldn’t park anywhere due to the extensive road works. Eventually managed to stop fairly near to be told that daddy had said teenage son could have cash from the family coffers, rather than use his own hard-earned pocket money for clothing (deemed an essential, parental-funded item.) Fair enough. I was simply unaware of this agreement and had no clue as to how much the head of the household wanted to fork over. I had to make an executive decision and take out what I thought would be approved by daddy.

So, cash handed over, I attempted to exit the dead-end road so as to get on with journey to shopping mall. Oh no, not so hastily. A huge skip truck was by now, blocking my exit. Another 5 minutes wasted. Teenage daughter muttering and huffing. Little teenage son feeling bad about money confusion. Friend utterly silent in back with iPod firmly plugged into his ears. Me. Well. Breathing deeply and calmly. There’s nothing be done other than wait. And consider. Here’s another fine mess you’ve gotten yourself into.

The kids were eventually dropped at the mall at 10.33am. I drove off towards my appointment with an an inconvenient 40 minutes to spare. So. What did I do. Came and sat in a café and wrote this blog post.

What have I learned? I really need to apply some of my trainer skills at home. I shall approach the subject this evening and point out what happens when instructions are not clear and agreement is not checked and clarified. That is, of course, if we’re all in the house at the same time. Teenage daughter has invited friends over to BBQ and little teenage son has football training. Head of household will probably stay safely tucked away in the office till late again. I guess it’s little wonder that none of us communicates effectively…

Something good for my community and me

Self-development is on my mind at the moment – it’s in my thoughts most days. Today it’s particularly occupying me. I got up extra early this morning (something I avoid most times) in order to participate in a special activity at my kids’ school. As one of 6 parents who have donated many hours over the last year or so, I’m happy and proud to being doing something positive and constructive in the community. The project is called “f.ü.r.” – which stands for Friends Practise Respect (and consideration for others). Our aim is to raise awareness among school kids about different types of violence (hitting, bullying, wounding with words, damaging our surroundings, excluding people). We focus on how to stop, reduce and avoid violence in school.

I can’t take credit for altruistically volunteering to do good. My motivation was initially to do something interesting from which I would personally benefit. I saw an opportunity to apply and widen my trainer skills whilst also practising and improving my German. Violence is something I find abhorrent, even more so when it’s practised on children by children. So part of me was also drawn to wanting to contribute to doing something about it.

Today was the 6th time we’d facilitated the process in a classroom. Once again, we were surprised by how different our experience was. The very first time, we were all nervous, pre-occupied with remembering our lines, getting all the parts in the right order, managing our props. I have to admit that my part was much less than the others – I’ve learned only 2 lines off by heart because of my lack of German fluency – and that I was less nervous. Also less engaged, if I’m honest.

Since that first performance, we’ve come a long way. Last week was probably the best “show” so far. We all found our flow; I finally clicked with my role (I often need extra time to internalise material designed by someone else) and we went for our habitual post-performance coffee full of energy and positivity. We – 4 women, 2 men – have gelled into a close-knit “f.ü.r.-team”. And I’m proud of having overcome my “Presenting in German” inhibitions; indeed, I can provide a special twist to our message, as a foreigner who could have suffered exclusion, I’m fully accepted in my team and seemingly from all the children in each classroom. Truly a wonderful feeling. Which confirms my ongoing self-development. I have tangible evidence of how far I’ve come since a newly arrived English woman in a country where I couldn’t string a sentence together 15 years ago.

Another thing I’ve learned is that it’s possible to be active in my community alongside a busy work and home schedule. There are evenings when we have a meeting scheduled when I really wish I hadn’t joined up. Then we’re altogether and I’m glad to know these people. We have achieved no mean feat – it does me good to see an idea become reality. Now we’re ready to move to the next level of our project and present violence prevention to older classes. Bring it on! How fab that I can benefit while helping groups of children develop their own sense of right and wrong. It’s a win-win situation which costs me a little less sleep occasionally and a few evenings away from the TV.