Today started with a bit of a battle. Or at least a bout of miscommunication which could have escalated into a battle. Once again, I saw how my under-developed communication skills can let me down. Poor familial inter-communication, it’s an ongoing issue for we 4 Hunters.
As a trainer, clarity and transparency are essential to help participants get the most from a training course. If they are constantly having to ask each other “what did she mean?” Or they feel confused and lost, the group soon becomes uncertain and dissolves into a dissatisfied well of “why are we here?” The training objectives can’t be met, post-course evaluation is negative and the client never books again.
This I know. This I strive to avoid. Indeed, I feel I’m good at communicating with my participants, on the whole. If a misunderstanding should arise, or someone is unclear about any instruction, they know they can ask me to explain again. And again if necessary. Without clear, two-way communication, there is little sense in running a training course.
Why, then, is it so difficult to apply the same knowledge, skills etc. in my own family? To make sure that each person has understood what has been discussed and either agreed to or not agreed to? It’s a basic rule when working with groups, get acknowledgement and tacit agreement from each and every individual in the group. This avoids problems and dissension down the line. Today is a point in case. Teenage daughter had arranged to go with friend to shopping mall. The return journey was arranged. The getting there, however, was the sticking point. Daddy had to be at work for a meeting by 9. Mummy didn’t have to anywhere till 11.30. Teenage daughter subsequently fixed in her mind that mummy would run her and friend to shopping mall at 9.30am so they could maximise their shopping time until the return bus departed. Mummy, on the other hand, was still working out a plan whereby she wouldn’t have to drive back and forth, wasting time and petrol.
The shopping day dawned; mummy got up extra early in order to prepare that day’s classes and meetings. In her mind, leaving around about 10 would be OK. Then she’d only have an hour or so to kill until her first lesson.
At 9.35 came the shout up the stairs – “Are we going now?” “No! I’m not ready” (Indeed, I was in the bathroom, drying my hair without any make-up on). I won’t bore you with teenage daughter’s response to the situation. Needless to say, she was most upset at her plans not running according to her schedule.
OK. We got out the door at 9.57am. Sullen silence in car. Then little teenage son pipes up – “Bank!” Oh yes, he needed to withdraw funds for shopping (he was magnanimously invited along on this trip!) I pulled into bank – to find I couldn’t park anywhere due to the extensive road works. Eventually managed to stop fairly near to be told that daddy had said teenage son could have cash from the family coffers, rather than use his own hard-earned pocket money for clothing (deemed an essential, parental-funded item.) Fair enough. I was simply unaware of this agreement and had no clue as to how much the head of the household wanted to fork over. I had to make an executive decision and take out what I thought would be approved by daddy.
So, cash handed over, I attempted to exit the dead-end road so as to get on with journey to shopping mall. Oh no, not so hastily. A huge skip truck was by now, blocking my exit. Another 5 minutes wasted. Teenage daughter muttering and huffing. Little teenage son feeling bad about money confusion. Friend utterly silent in back with iPod firmly plugged into his ears. Me. Well. Breathing deeply and calmly. There’s nothing be done other than wait. And consider. Here’s another fine mess you’ve gotten yourself into.
The kids were eventually dropped at the mall at 10.33am. I drove off towards my appointment with an an inconvenient 40 minutes to spare. So. What did I do. Came and sat in a café and wrote this blog post.
What have I learned? I really need to apply some of my trainer skills at home. I shall approach the subject this evening and point out what happens when instructions are not clear and agreement is not checked and clarified. That is, of course, if we’re all in the house at the same time. Teenage daughter has invited friends over to BBQ and little teenage son has football training. Head of household will probably stay safely tucked away in the office till late again. I guess it’s little wonder that none of us communicates effectively…
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